Funny Things To Ask Google

Michael Logan
Michael Logan
7 Min Read

Google is an all-knowing entity with an answer to almost any question in the world. Not will Google attempt to answer any questions you can possibly ask it, but it will even try to guess what you’re asking as you’re asking it. Now if you ask me, that’s a true friend. Isn’t the goal in everyone’s life to find someone who can finish their sentences?

There are a couple of funny things to ask Google if you don’t mind your search history being questionable. You could try using incognito mode in Google Chrome to ask it whatever you want and feel like nobody is watching. However, someone is always watching. Your internet provider might be sitting there at their headquarters asking themselves if they should alert the FBI. For now, open up Google and ask it whatever you want. Here are a couple of suggestions for funny things to ask Google.

“Why Are Birds?”

What are birds?

Don’t even finish the sentence and let Google try to figure it out for you. It could honestly lead to anything from “why are birds small?” to “why are birds the descendants of velociraptors?” In all honesty, I’d be afraid to see what results you could possibly get just typing in “why are birds?” because I like birds. I want to believe that birds are innocent little animals whose worst crimes is leaving little gifts on your windshield. I don’t want to find out “why are birds trying to illegally break into my home?” or “why are birds responsible for the fall of the Roman Empire?” and ruin that image I have of birds.

“Funny Ways To Cook”

Cooking on lava

Again, don’t finish this sentence and let Google try to finish this for you. In a perfect world, Google would say something along the lines of “funny ways to cook a casserole” or “funny ways to cook turkey bacon.” Unfortunately, that’s not how the internet works. If you type in “funny ways to cook” you’re going to get some horrible things that you probably shouldn’t be cooking. In fact, things that Google might suggest for you to cook might be entirely illegal. “I saw it on Google” isn’t exactly a defense you can use in a court of law.

“How Come I Can’t?”

I just can't nike tick

They say that no one knows you better than yourself. Except, that’s not necessarily true. No one knows you better than the internet you spend all day on. The internet knows you better than you think it does. Why do you think every time you’re talking around your phone without even typing anything it still shows ads about what you’re talking about? There are times when I’m talking about craving chicken without even typing anything. I then look at my phone to see an advertisement for chicken fast food nearby. Anyway, your phone is going to know what you can and can’t do, so searching for “how come I can’t” will know what you can’t do. It’ll probably be a culmination of guides you’ve searched for over the years from “how come I can’t get a girlfriend” to “how come I can’t win at Fortnite?”

“How Easy Is It To?”

How easy is it

Once you’ve found what you can and can’t do from Google, then you can now look how easy it is to do something? “How easy is it to win Fortnite?” isn’t exactly something you can just lookup. You have to practice being good at Fortnite. You have to go out there and build make-shift wooden towers while spastically shooting while hoping you take out your opponent. There might be a little more to it than that, but I wouldn’t know because I’m not good at Fortnite. That’s probably why I’ve searched for how easy it is to be good at Fortnite myself. When searching “how easy it is to” do anything you might find simple steps to do things that are actually very difficult. These blog posts are by people who are self-proclaimed experts, so just because you find a blog that says it’s easy to build Noah’s Ark with just a hammer and some string, doesn’t mean it’s actually that easy.

“Why Am I?”

Thinking who you are

If you need to question, why you do the things you do then you might need some self-introspection instead of Google. You might find things such as “why am I an introvert?” to find out all the reasons why your childhood trauma has caused you to shell up as an adult. You could search “why am I” to see something along the line of “why am I thirsty?” Even after drinking water. However, you might not like what you find after searching for why you’re thirsty after drinking water. It might be time to put down the candy bar and pick up a piece of celery. Now, if you search for “why am I” and see something like “why am I wearing blue?” when you’re actually wearing blue. That’s when you put your phone down, preferably into a furnace, and go off the grid until you get a phone that isn’t watching you.

“What Happens If?”

What happens if you eat mold

If you need to search for “what happens if?” then you’re probably on the verge of making a very terrible decision. You’re hoping that Google will validate whatever you’re about to do. In fact, I think you already know about the consequences of what you’re going to do. However, Google is probably going to nudge you in the right direction. “What happens if you pour parmesan cheese directly into your eyes?” you could possibly find an article or two who would tell you it’s a new skincare method that cleanses your skin from the inside.

You never know, the internet has guides for everything.

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Healthcare professional moonlighting as a freelance comedy writer, poet, and debuting horror author. Sometimes I lose at video games.
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